Let’s rethink Valentine’s Day for a second. Who ever said it was a holiday for lovers? Okay, don’t answer that. Maybe it’s traditionally for lovers, but I’m challenging you to hear me out for a second.
Let’s think of it as a holiday that celebrates love in all forms. Just having love in your life is something to celebrate. And, if you think you don’t have that in your life, you’re wrong. Love is a feeling of happiness, safety, security, and hope, among other wonderful things. You can feel all these feelings just by looking at your iguana. You can feel these things when you’re hugging your grandma. You can feel these things when you think about chocolate cake. Chocolate cake is my lover! It’s always been good to me. You can also look in the mirror and feel that about yourself.
I’ve written about the topic of self-talk in a previous post and basically it’s the ultimate way to show yourself love. Your thoughts form the basis of your whole existence. It’s how you interpret the world, how you react to the world, and, more importantly, how you talk to and treat yourself. It’s how you love yourself. We often don’t use self-talk to love ourselves, though. We use it to sabotage ourselves. It’s our internal dialogue that keeps us bitter about things, that keeps us from doing the things we should.
We’ve all heard the saying “if you’re not taking care of yourself, you’re not taking care of your baby.” Every mom on the planet has had this driven into their head after they’ve had their first all-out panic attack. They learn the basic principle that when you are okay, everything else is. So they start taking better care of themselves by carving out more alone time, what have you, to nurture their own self. The natural product of this is an ability to approach every day with more grace, patience and gratitude, and being a more present mother. We all should live by the golden rule that when you’re okay, everything else is okay.
Here’s how we are going to rethink Valentine’s Day. Celebrate the greatest love of your whole life: Yourself! Treat yourself by healing your heart so that it can be more open to new experiences. Write yourself a forgiveness letter. Get those thoughts out so they’re no longer able to hurt you the way they once could. Be okay, so everything else can be okay.
What’s a forgiveness letter, you ask? It’s a letter that you write to yourself or to someone else to let them know that you forgive them. It’s that easy. Well, defining it is easy. Writing the letter is going to most likely take time because you’re getting very deep and personal with your own self. But, doing it will be the most cathartic, therapeutic, life-changing thing you can do for yourself. You’re forgiving for yourself. For your own mental health and well-being. Not for anyone or anything else. It’s so empowering to be able to do this for yourself, and I hope you decide to try it.
Only when you’re fully conscious of your thoughts do you gain the power to change them (2014). Your thoughts can have real power over your actions, and often writing them down and looking at them on paper gives us the perspective we need to change our thinking, especially when it’s negative. Putting pen to paper is one of the best ways to see your thoughts for what they really are, since thoughts sound so much different in your head than they do when being said out loud.
So let’s put the pen to paper and write a letter about something that’s been weighing on your heart. Perhaps it’s the way a co-worker treated you recently, or how you didn’t get to say goodbye to someone you love. Maybe you recovered from some mental health issues and want to communicate to your former self. Maybe your dealing with things from the past that have been rehashed. Whatever it is, write it down and be real and be raw. I’ll explain how.
Set Aside Time
The first step is to set aside some uninterrupted time for yourself. You can’t delve into the darkest, most private places of your mind and heart if your toddler is trying to climb on your lap and pulling at your clothes.
Consider These Points
When you’re writing your letter, consider these questions so you’re covering every emotional area. Feel free to ask your own questions, too.
- What do you know now that you wish you had then?
- What have you or others been able to learn from the event?
- How have you grown?
- How are you growing?
- Were there any silver linings in that situation?
- How did this situation make you feel?
- How has this situation shaped the way you move forward in life?
- How do you plan on moving forward in life now that you’ve forgiven yourself/others?
- How can you see their (or your) perspective at the time?
Don’t Be Self-Critical
Have ZERO standards for perfection when writing this letter. Let it be messy, let it not make sense. Don’t reread, don’t overthink, don’t scrutinize your handwriting. Just get it out and read it afterward. You can change it and make it as perfect as you want when it’s done. It’s your own work and no one but you will see it. This letter is for you and for your healing.
Make It A Ritual
Make this not only cathartic, but symbolic. Burn your letter after you write it. Delete the email after you’ve written it. Destroy it. Bury it. Crumble it up and stuff it in your mouth . . . please don’t do that.
Not only does this ensure your privacy that no one will read it, but destroying it symbolizes the release of the weight you’ve been carrying for so long. It goes back to the earth, to the elements, and you are free from holding on to it every day.
Let me know what you think about forgiveness letters and if you are open to trying it. xoxo
Works Cited
Markway, B. (2014, April 14). How to Keep a Thought Diary to Combat Anxiety. Psychology today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shyness-is-nice/201404/how-keep-thought-diary-combat-anxiety
Theresa Short
Absolutely beautiful! What a beautiful way to celebrate yourself! Too cute sissy!!
Linda Adkins
This is definitely something to consider! Taking time for yourself in such a meaningful way! You hit the nail on the head! Really enjoyed this blog!
admin
Thanks, Linda! 🙂