My oldest brother died.
His death was unexpected. His death was unfair. It is the worst kind of hurt and the kind of unexpected shove to the back that sends you so far off your familiar path that, when you’ve finally come to, you’re lost. You don’t know where you are or how you’ll get back. I miss him so much. He is on my mind on a daily basis and I can’t stand that he’s not here.
Usually when you have something going on in your personal life the world around you is pretty stable. Not in 2020. I never expected to grieve my brothers loss during a global pandemic and historical levels of political and social unrest.
It’s been mentally exhausting trying to carry the weight of all this unrest on my shoulders, along with the tremendous weight of grief over my wonderful brother.
But I’m not the only one feeling the heaviness of these weights. So I wanted to share something I’ve always known to be true: Joy is where you find yourself again. It’s a place you go where your soul helps you heal, no matter how deep the wounds. It’s helped me in this season of life and I’ll show you how to find it.
How?
Finding “joy” in life is finding things, big or small, in your everyday that make you smile, that steal your focus, that make you want to learn more, that make you excited or relaxed. Simply put: It’s hobbies. It’s journaling, it’s blogging (enter this blog!), it’s painting, it’s pottery, it’s meditation, it’s baking cakes, it’s woodworking. It’s the things in this life that you have subconsciously been drawn to because that is where your authentic self shines. The side of you that can’t be defined, that no one or no thing can take away from you, the sum of all the parts that make you so uniquely you.
It’s hard to believe that putting together a puzzle can be the pandoras box of your soul, but believe it. Everyone has a hobby, and I mean everyone. Make a non-negotiable commitment with yourself to carve out at least a half-hour of your day doing something that brings you joy.
Here’s the thing, though. Depending on how depleted your internal resources are, you’re not necessarily going to feel joy when you’re doing things that once did it for you. It will take time, but trust someone who’s learned from many therapies and research: you have to do it, anyway. Discipline is the key to your own success. Always remember that.
When you’re engrossed in a hobby, your attention and focus is honed in on one thing, which is very similar to meditation. Just the simple act of doing something for yourself will be so therapeutic to getting back to yourself that you’ll naturally start gravitating toward things that are more “you.” Your hobbies might change, your eating habits might change – it’s all a natural response your body gives once you start giving it some R&R. Our bodies and souls are amazing that way. Just let your authentic self guide you toward what hobbies/interests it wants.
Finding Interests
If you have trouble thinking about what you like to do in your spare time, try making a list of things you used to like doing as a child. Sounds a little weird, but our former selves as children were the purest form of authenticity and joy. Why wouldn’t we call on them for help?
If you played with barbies as a kid, how exactly did you play with them? Did you like making clothes for your barbies or were you constantly having pool parties with them? That would tell you that maybe your hobbies include some type of design or swimming/nature. If you liked to explore and play safari, maybe that was your way of appreciating the outdoors, and you might try hiking or nature walks. You get my point. Also, try to Google types of hobbies and try one that speaks to you.
Don’t overthink it. Like I said earlier, our inner most selves have a miraculous way of telling us what we want, so listen to it while you try out new hobbies and see which one feels right.
Please, don’t picture yourself surrounded with rainbows and butterflies while you’re scrap-booking. You’ll miss the entire point. Picture yourself healing on a deep mental, spiritual and emotional level because you’re letting your creative energy and focus release stresses in your life that aren’t serving you. It’s a subtle and powerful form of healing.
Here’s to finding joy.